Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 27 Feb 2018

 

Joke 1

Love

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Original post: http://bit.ly/2GH2ttO


Joke 2

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?


Joke 3

The woman said to her beautician as she sat down for her appointment, "When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful?"

"Maybe," replied beautician, "does he still drink a lot?"


Joke 4

Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages.


Joke 5

Three guys are discussing women. "I like to watch a woman's breasts best," the first guy says.

The second says, "I like to look at a woman's butt." He asks the third guy, "What about you?"

"Me? I prefer to see the top of her head."


Joke 6

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden

After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him... "Lets see yer fishin' license, Boy!!" the Warden gasped. With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the young feller, "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."


Joke 7

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying 'I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court.'

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days.

Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for them- selves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money."

Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything!"

This is one of law's greatest paradox.


Joke 8

Q: How do you get your wife to scream while you are having an orgasm?
A: Call her and tell her where you are.


Winston Churchill

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Original post: http://bit.ly/2Gb966y


 

 

 

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Sunday, February 25, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 25 Feb 2018

 

Joke 1

Lack of planning on your part

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Original post: http://bit.ly/2GbjHOK


Joke 2

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?


Joke 3

The mother catches her kid masturbating and warns him: "Ben, you're gonna go blind if you keep touching yourself."

And the kid answers, "Well, can I just do it, then, until I need glasses?"


Joke 4

Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!


Joke 5

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over.

Then she said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."

"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."


Joke 6

Judy calls the police station and says, "My hubby is missing."

The officer asks, "How long has he been gone?"

"A month."

"Why did you wait so long to report it?"

"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream."


Joke 7

One guy is covered with bandages from head to toe. The other guy asks him, "What do you do for a living?"

"I used to be a window washer."

"And you decided to give it up?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"Oh, about halfway down."


Joke 8

Q: What starts with "t" ends with "t" and is filled with "t"?
A: A teapot


If you love deeply

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Original post: http://bit.ly/2G9y2eK


 

 

 

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Saturday, February 24, 2018

Courage

 

 

 

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Never mistake knowledge for wisdom

 

 

 

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Politics is the second-oldest profession

 

 

 

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A lost battle

 

 

 

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Good manners

 

 

 

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George Bernard Shaw

 

 

 

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If money can't buy you love

 

 

 

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Tinkle Tinkle, Little Czar

 

 

 

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Question

 

 

 

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Friday, February 23, 2018

Life is really simple

 

 

 

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Albert Einstein

 

 

 

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Dale Carnegie

 

 

 

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Pablo Picasso

 

 

 

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Elizabeth Barrett Browning

 

 

 

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Confidence on the outside

 

 

 

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Will Rogers

 

 

 

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Joy

 

 

 

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Love is a verb

 

 

 

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In the midst of chaos

 

 

 

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Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 23 Feb 2018

 

Joke 1

Mining Bitcoin on laptop

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2CE1JSZ


Joke 2


Joke 3

James (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

Concerned, James asked, "What happened to the flea?"


Joke 4

Q: What can be served but not eaten?
A: A tennis ball


Joke 5

Joe had been quite the ladies man and player all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Joe," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your old routine of wine, women, and song."

Joe thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up singing."


Joke 6

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural-history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"

Little Pauly: "They don't have a union?"


Joke 7

Doug brings his friend Bill home from work with him early one day. They come upstairs to find his wife, and there she is in bed with another man.

Doug turns calmly away from the doorway and says to Bill, "Let's go downstairs and have a cup of coffee."

"Uh, okay," agrees Bill so they sit around the kitchen for the longest time, until finally Bill can't stand it anymore. "Doug," he blurts out, "what about the guy upstairs?"

"The hell with him," says Doug. "Let him make his own goddamn coffee."


Joke 8

Q: Why Was The Gay Sergeant Court-Martialed?
A: They Caught Him Playing With His Privates.


Ronald Reagan on Gun Control

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Original post: http://bit.ly/2CEOsJK


 

 

 

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Courage

 

 

 

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Albert Einstein

 

 

 

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