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Monday, November 6, 2017

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 6 Nov 2017

 

Joke 1

Maya Angelou

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/92


Joke 2

The most wasted day in life is the day in which I have not laughed. - Charlie Chaplin


Joke 3

The young woman approached the executive in front of his office and said, "Please sir, give to take a wayward girl off the street."

And how much do you suggest I give? he asked.

It depends, she smiled, "Entirely on how long you want to keep her off of it."


Joke 4

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.


Joke 5

A little boy walks up to the librarian to check out a book. Noticing that the title is A Comprehensive Guide for Mothers, the librarian asks, "Is this for your mom?"

No, it's for me.

Then why do you want this particular book?

Because I just started collecting moths last month!


Joke 6

The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands.

Lady, he said, "I just don't understand. However did you manage to pick the winner?"

The old lady patted her white locks in place. She looked a little bewildered. "Really," she said, "I don't know myself. I just stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is."

The bookie took a deep breath. "That's all very well, lady," he cried. "But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?"

Oh, replied the old lady, "that was easy. I used a fork."


Joke 7

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"

The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."

The Lawyer said, "Wait, Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back affirming this too had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "I'd say let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."


Joke 8

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.


Only the weak are cruel

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/93


 

 

 

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