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Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 23 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

George Bernard Shaw

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/583


Joke 2

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact. - George Eliot


Joke 3

Little Jill asks her mother, "Can I go over to Rosey's house and watch the magic show?"

Mother replied, "Whatever do you mean, dear?"

Jill said, "The one she performs. I heard her tell Nina she got $600 for doing six tricks last night."


Joke 4

Q: What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?
A: A hoarse doctor.


Joke 5

A salesman's car breaks down, so he asks a farmer to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees. In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, so he decides to go to the barn and get some milk from a cow.

Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. He then sees the salesman coming out of the barn soaking wet and with a white liquid dripping down his face. The farmer asks, "What happened to you?"

The salesman says, "I just got thirsty, so I milked your cow. It was so dark in there I don't know how I did it. But I'm telling you, that cow has great milk! I must have drank a gallon of it!"

The farmer then stares at him with a puzzled look and says, "But we don't have a cow. We just have the bull..."


Joke 6

The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door.

The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. "Oh God," she cried, "it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window."

The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window,then stopped. "I can't," he said, "we're on the 13th floor."

"For chrissakes," cried the young lady in exasperation, "do you think this the right f*ckin' time to be superstitious?"


Joke 7

Little Johnny was left to fix lunch.

When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea.

The two women then sipped their tea happily while having lunch.

"Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" Johnny's mother asked.

"I couldn't find it Ma, so I used the fly swatter," he replied.

His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added: "Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!"


Joke 8

Q: What do you call an artificial stone?
A: A shamrock.


Helen Keller

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/584


 

 

 

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Monday, January 22, 2018

Gandhi

 

 

 

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Never let your memories be greater than your dreams


Freedom

 

 

 

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Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 22 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Dwight D. Eisenhower

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/426


Joke 2

There are two educations. One should teach us how to make a living, and the other how to live. - John Adams


Joke 3

A novice gardener who was looking for some advice asked an experienced farmer, "What would be good to plant in an area that gets very little rain, has too much late afternoon sun, has clay soil and lies on a rocky ledge?"

Replied the farmer, "How about a flagpole?".


Joke 4

Q: How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Are you kidding? That's a hardware problem!


Joke 5

A man came back to the dealer from whom he bought a new car.

I believe you gave me a guarantee with my car, he said.

That's right, sir, the salesman answered. "During the warranty period we will replace anything that breaks."

Fine, I need a new garage door.


Joke 6

Little Johnny is in the park eating candy when an old man comes up to him. The old man says, "Y'know, eating candy is not good for your health."

Little Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

The old man asks, "Well, did he eat candy?"

Little Johnny says, "No, but he knew how to mind his own damn business."


Joke 7

Two Goober hunters were dragging their dead deer down a trail back to their car.

Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck!"


Joke 8

Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
A: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."


Denis Waitley

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/427


 

 

 

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